Vulnerability is said to be the new strength. An emotional superpower. But is it really?

Men are told to embrace their softer side, and “open up more”.

Does this sh*t actually work, or are we setting ourselves up for a disaster like a turtle without a shell? 🐢

My Experience

A few years back,  I was living at a Health and Wellness retreat in Thailand. 

One of my good friends in the life coaching space convinced me to take Brené Brown’s advice and open up more – i.e. “Become more vulnerable”.

So I watched her “Power of Vulnerability” TedTalk and decided to give it a try.

▶️ Brené Brown: Power of Vulnerability (TedTalk)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o

After I started to openly discuss personal issues, and share my fears and insecurities with people, I could start to feel some of the benefits. It felt weird, but in a good way.

Before I bullsh*t you and tell you how liberating it is, I have to admit there were times I felt exposed — more open to manipulation and, in some ways, less attractive. But I realised that when I wasn’t being myself, I was attracting the wrong people anyway.

Pros and Cons of Vulnerability

The Pros of Being Vulnerable

Builds Connection

Being vulnerable fosters deeper, more authentic connections with others because it shows your true self.

Tip: Start small. Share a minor fear or a recent struggle to gauge the reaction before diving deeper.

Increases Courage

It takes courage to be vulnerable, and embracing it helps you face fears and uncertainties with more resilience.

Tip: Push yourself to speak up in uncomfortable situations. Each act of vulnerability builds your courage muscle.

Encourages Growth

Vulnerability leads to personal growth by helping you learn from mistakes and experiences rather than avoiding them.

Tip: Reflect on your experiences openly. Use setbacks as stepping stones for improvement.

Boosts Creativity and Innovation

Being open to failure and taking risks enhances creativity and innovation, as you’re willing to explore new ideas.

Tip: Don’t fear failure. Experiment with new approaches and embrace the lessons that come with them.

Improves Self-Awareness

Embracing vulnerability helps you understand your emotions and allows for a more honest relationship with yourself.

Tip: Practice self-reflection. Journaling can help you get in touch with your true feelings.

Enhances Resilience

Vulnerability helps you navigate life’s challenges by accepting and learning from difficult experiences, making you stronger over time.

Tip: View challenges as opportunities to build resilience. Face them head-on instead of avoiding them.

Promotes Authenticity

Being vulnerable allows you to show up as your true self, which fosters trust and respect from others.

Tip: Be honest about who you are. Authenticity attracts genuine relationships.

The Cons of Being Vulnerable

It Can Make You Feel Exposed

Being vulnerable means putting your feelings on the line. Not everyone will handle it well, and some might even use it against you.

Tip: Choose your audience wisely. Not everyone deserves access to your deepest thoughts.

It Can Lead to Rejection

Opening up can sometimes result in rejection or distancing from others who aren’t ready to handle your vulnerability.

Tip: Be prepared for mixed reactions. Understand that not everyone will respond positively, and that’s okay.

It May Be Misinterpreted as Weakness

Society often equates vulnerability with fragility, especially for men. This misconception can make you hesitant to open up.

Tip: Redefine vulnerability for yourself. See it as a strength that requires courage, not a sign of weakness.

It Can Be Emotionally Draining

Constantly being vulnerable can take a toll on your emotional energy, leading to burnout or fatigue.

Tip: Set boundaries. Allow yourself time to recharge and protect your emotional well-being.

It Might Impact Professional Image

In certain environments, showing vulnerability can be misinterpreted as a lack of confidence or competence.

Tip: Balance vulnerability with professionalism. Share appropriately without oversharing in the workplace.

Risk of Manipulation

Some people might take advantage of your vulnerability for their own gain, leading to potential manipulation or exploitation.

Tip: Stay vigilant. Recognize the difference between genuine support and those who might exploit your openness.

The Balance Between Strength and Vulnerability

Brené Brown champions vulnerability as essential for wholehearted living. However, it’s not a one-size-fits-all solution. Finding the right balance is key. Too much vulnerability can make you feel exposed, while too little can isolate you from meaningful connections.

🎯 Action Steps: How to Apply

In Dating

Stop pretending to be invulnerable. Share a bit about your past or your goals. It creates a genuine connection and shows you’re real. #authenticity

In Relationships

Communicate your needs and fears with your partner. It builds trust and deepens your bond, making the relationship stronger.

Social Environments

Be authentic in your interactions. Don’t force a tough exterior if it’s not you. Let others see the real you, flaws and all. But always read the room. Some people may try to exploit you.

At Work

Express your ideas and admit when you don’t know something. It fosters a collaborative environment and encourages others to do the same. 

▶️ Simon Sinek: The Truth about Being the “Stupidest” in the Room
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BkLzo_oNVho

With Friends & Family

Be honest about your feelings. It strengthens your relationships and ensures you’re supported when you need it.

Key Takeaways

• Vulnerability can lead to deeper, more meaningful connections.
• It can also make you feel exposed and uncertain.
• Personal growth often comes from facing your vulnerabilities.
• Society’s perception of vulnerability can hinder your willingness to open up.
• Balancing vulnerability is crucial for maintaining strength and authenticity.

Bottom Line

Vulnerability isn’t inherently good or bad. It’s a tool that, when used wisely, can enhance your life and relationships. Embrace it with caution, and you might just find it’s the strength you never knew you had.

Resources

• 📕 Daring Greatly by Brené Brown
• 📕 The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida
• 📕 Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl
• 📕 No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert A. Glover
• 📕 Iron John by Robert Bly

Brené Brown believes vulnerability makes you stronger for these reasons:

1. Builds Connection: Being vulnerable fosters deeper, more authentic connections with others because it shows your true self.
2. Increases Courage: It takes courage to be vulnerable, and embracing it helps you face fears and uncertainties with more resilience.
3. Encourages Growth: Vulnerability leads to personal growth by helping you learn from mistakes and experiences rather than avoiding them.
4. Boosts Creativity and Innovation: Being open to failure and taking risks enhances creativity and innovation, as you’re willing to explore new ideas.
5. Improves Self-Awareness: Embracing vulnerability helps you understand your emotions and allows for a more honest relationship with yourself.
6. Enhances Resilience: Vulnerability helps you navigate life’s challenges by accepting and learning from difficult experiences, making you stronger over time.
7. Promotes Authenticity: Being vulnerable allows you to show up as your true self, which fosters trust and respect from others.