“All You Need Is Love,” said the man who beat both of his wives… 🙄

So what even is love, anyway? According to dictionaries, it’s a “strong feeling of deep affection for someone or something.”

Or as Aristotle puts it:

Sounds great, but how important is it really when trying to build a strong romantic relationship?

Is Love even needed?

The Relationship Recipe

Relationships, to me, are like building the perfect sundae, and love is just the cherry on top. 

Here are six ingredients I believe are more important than love when trying to build the perfect relationship.

Ingredient #01: Trust

Trust is the cornerstone of any strong relationship. It’s about believing in your partner’s honesty, reliability, and commitment. Without trust, doubts and insecurities will creep in and destroy you. Trust creates a sense of safety and stability, allowing both partners to be vulnerable and open.

“Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.”
— Stephen R. Covey

Ingredient #02: Respect

Respect is the foundation of any healthy relationship. It’s about valuing each other’s feelings, opinions, and boundaries, and treating one another with kindness and consideration. When mutual respect is present, both partners feel appreciated and understood. Respect fosters a positive environment where both individuals can grow together.

“Respect is how to treat everyone, not just those you want to impress.”
— Richard Branson

Ingredient #03: Connection

Connection makes us feel safe and comfortable. It’s the sense of closeness and intimacy you share with your partner. Initially, it’s exciting and fun as you discover each other in new ways. Over time, this connection deepens, evolving beyond just physical attraction and discovery, as emotional and intellectual bonds begin to grow.

Emotional connection can be strengthened through open conversations about your thoughts, dreams, and worries, while physical connection is nurtured through small moments of affection—like kisses on the forehead, playful intimacy, and thoughtful gestures. Both emotional openness and physical touch are key in maintaining a strong and lasting connection.

“Connection is why we’re here; it is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.”
— Brené Brown

Ingredient #04: Communication

Communication is the backbone of any strong relationship. It’s how you express your thoughts, feelings, and needs, and how you understand your partner’s. Good communication ensures that both partners feel heard and understood, building trust and closeness.

For example, when you’re upset, openly sharing your feelings instead of bottling them up helps prevent misunderstandings and resolves issues before they escalate.

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”
— George Bernard Shaw

Ingredient #05: Values

Values represent what we consider most important in life. Understanding your partner’s values is crucial, as this plays a critical role in life goals and big decisions. Shared values help navigate conflicts more easily and ensure you’re on the same page.

For example, if both partners value financial stability, they’re more likely to agree on saving for the future rather than making impulsive purchases.

“Your values are your current estimations of truth. They represent your answer to the question of how to live.”
— Steve Pavlina

Ingredient #06: Compatibility

Compatibility is about how well you and your partner fit together in terms of lifestyle, interests, and personality. It’s important because it affects how smoothly your lives blend together.

For example, if you both enjoy outdoor activities, you’ll naturally spend more time together doing things you love, which enhances your connection.

“We were together. I forget the rest.”
— Walt Whitman

Finishing Touch #06. Love

I see love like the cherry on top of a sundae—it makes us crave the whole thing, even if the rest tastes like sh*t. Too often, people focus solely on the feeling of love and neglect everything else, allowing love to blind them to the problems in the relationship. Love can actually keep us trapped in relationships that leave us feeling sad and unloved.

In the end, love is only truly sweet when it’s built on a foundation of trust, respect, connection, communication, values, and compatibility. Love might trick us into believing we’ve created the perfect sundae, but if the ice cream is stale, then the whole relationship is rotten.

The End Result: Love?

Personally, I see love as the magical outcome that forms when trust, respect, connection, communication, values, and compatibility are all present and strong. Like the cherry on top of a sundae, love is what makes the relationship complete—but only if the rest of the recipe is right.

Too often, people focus on love as the entire recipe and neglect the other crucial ingredients. This leads to a relationship that might look sweet on the outside but leaves a sour taste and an upset stomach. If you want a relationship that truly satisfies, start with the right ingredients, and let love be the finishing touch.

Key Takeaways

• Trust is the backbone of any relationship.
• Respect keeps things healthy and balanced.
• Connection makes you feel close beyond just physical attraction.
• Communication prevents future problems from blowing up.
• Values ensure you’re on the same page about what matters.
• Compatibility makes life together smoother.
• Love: The cherry on top that compounds everything else