Expectations are a huge problem. We think things will go a certain way, and when they don’t? We’re left feeling like cr*p.
Expecting things that aren’t in our control often sets us up for failure.
Sure, humans crave predictability, but that doesn’t mean it’s doing us any favors.
If you want to enjoy life more and build better connections, drop most of your expectations—and practice gratitude. You’ll be much happier for it, trust me.
My Experience
I used to be terrible at managing expectations. Waiting for texts from a girl I liked or thinking people cared about things as much as I did—it was a constant head f*ck when things didn’t go the way I expected.
Oddly, most of the time, things actually went my way… But when they didn’t? Holy sh*t, I’d lose it.
It’s embarrassing, but I’ve learned that attaching yourself to outcomes you can’t control opens you up to disappointment.
“Expectation is the root of all heartache.” – William Shakespeare
Why Expectations Suck and How to Fix It
They Kill the Fun
The second you expect someone to behave a certain way, you take all the fun out of it. Pressure is a vibe killer. Think about that time you thought a date was going to be perfect, and then it wasn’t. Disappointing, right? It’s not the event that sucked—it’s your expectation.
Fix: Set Realistic Expectations
Inspired by “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz, focus on what’s real, not some fantasy. Don’t assume—just go with what you know.
Your Brain Crashes
Expectations feed dopamine—the happy chemical. But when things don’t go as planned, that dopamine takes a nosedive. Unmet expectations can trigger the brain’s pain centers. Yep, it literally hurts when things don’t go our way.
Fix: Detach from the Outcome
Eckhart Tolle in “The Power of Now” suggests staying present and not tying your happiness to specific results. Enjoy the process instead of obsessing over the end game.
You Set Yourself Up for Disappointment
Most people don’t even know you’ve got these invisible expectations in your head. So when they don’t meet them, you’re let down for no reason. It’s basically self-sabotage.
Fix: Communicate Clearly
As highlighted in “Radical Acceptance” by Tara Brach, be open and honest. Don’t expect people to read your mind—speak up and say what you need.
You Can’t Control Everything
Expecting things from others or situations that you have zero control over is a fast track to frustration.
Fix: Focus on What You Can Control
From “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck” by Mark Manson, concentrate on your own actions and attitudes. Let go of worrying about what others do.
You Miss Out on Growth
When you’re fixated on how things should be, you overlook what you can learn from how things are.
Fix: Reframe Your Mindset
In “Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender” by David R. Hawkins, it’s about seeing challenges as opportunities. Even if things aren’t perfect, there’s always a lesson.
Impatience Creates Stress
Not everything happens on your schedule. Pushing too hard can make things worse.
Fix: Practice Patience
From “The Expectation Hangover” by Christine Hassler, learn to let life unfold naturally. Patience reduces stress and leads to better outcomes.
Applying This to Your Life
In Relationships & Dating
Stop trying to script every interaction. Take it day by day and let things develop without forcing it. Stay present and enjoy the moments as they come.
At Work
Set achievable goals and break tasks into manageable chunks. Don’t expect to conquer the world in a day—acknowledge your progress and keep moving forward.
With Friends & Family
Remember, everyone’s got their own sh*t going on. Just because they don’t act exactly how you want doesn’t mean they don’t care. Cut them some slack and communicate openly.
Key Takeaways
- Set realistic expectations based on reality, not just what you wish would happen.
- Communicate openly—don’t assume people know what you want or need.
- Focus on what you can control—your actions, your reactions, your attitude.
- Reframe setbacks as learning experiences—there’s value even when things go sideways.
- Practice patience—let things happen in their own time without forcing them.
Bottom Line
Drop the unrealistic expectations, communicate better, and focus on what you can control. You’ll enjoy life and relationships way more if you do.
Resources
📕 “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle
📕 “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz
📕 “Radical Acceptance” by Tara Brach
📕 “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck” by Mark Manson
📕 “Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender” by David R. Hawkins
📕 “The Expectation Hangover” by Christine Hassler