Women love bold and assertive men. 

It shows we’re confident in who we are and what we stand for and is one of the most attractive traits we can have. 

It’s a f*cking game-changer in both dating and social scenes. 

Let’s explore why and how you can be more assertive. 

My Experience

I used to be super shy and avoid conflict at all costs. If a person looked at me, I’d look away as I felt intimidated by eye-contact.

As an introvert, I was happy being invisible. I wanted peace, and never wanted to p*ss anyone off. Agreeable I think is the term. 

Oh, how things have changed!

As an “INFJ”, I’m not meant to enjoy conflicts, but if somebody says something I don’t agree with, I’m excited for friendly debate. 

I see conflicts as opportunities to either learn something new or teach somebody something. 

If I want something, 

“The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.” – Warren Buffett

Why Assertiveness Is So Damn Attractive

It Shows Confidence

Being assertive signals that you’re confident in yourself and your decisions. Confidence is magnetic—people are naturally drawn to those who believe in themselves.

Tip: Believe in Your Worth

Start recognizing your own value. “The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem” by Nathaniel Branden is a solid read to boost your self-confidence.

It Establishes Boundaries

Assertiveness helps you set clear boundaries, which is crucial for healthy relationships. People know where you stand, and that clarity is refreshing.

Tip: Define Your Limits

Write down what’s acceptable to you and what’s not. Dr. Henry Cloud’s “Boundaries” can guide you on setting healthy limits.

It Enhances Communication

When you’re assertive, you express your thoughts clearly without being a d*ck. This leads to better understanding and less conflict.

Tip: Practice Active Listening

Communication is a two-way street. “Crucial Conversations” by Patterson, Grenny, et al., offers strategies for effective dialogue.

The Assertiveness Spectrum

Understanding where assertiveness fits between passivity and aggression is key.

Assertiveness Spectrum

Tip: Find the Balance

Visualize a line with passivity on one end and aggression on the other. Assertiveness is the sweet spot in the middle.

The Psychology Behind Assertiveness

The Confidence Loop

Assertiveness builds confidence, which in turn makes you more assertive—a positive feedback loop.

Tip: Take Small Steps

Start by asserting yourself in low-stakes situations to build that confidence muscle. Start in places you feel your most confident. 

Social Proof

People tend to follow those who lead. Your assertiveness can inspire others to be more open and authentic.

Tip: Lead by Example

Be the guy who isn’t afraid to speak up. Others will appreciate and emulate it. And don’t be scared to ask stupid questions. 

🎯Action Steps: How to Apply

In Dating

Be clear about your intentions and what you’re looking for. Don’t play games—authenticity is attractive. Note: This is not a greenlight btw to wear your heart on your sleeve. Being needy is NOT assertive and is extremely unattractive. 

In Relationships

Communicate your needs and listen to your partner’s. Assertiveness fosters mutual respect.

Social Environments

Voice your opinions and preferences. Want to try that new bar? Speak up.

At Work

Share your ideas confidently. Don’t shy away from opportunities to contribute.

With Friends & Family

Set boundaries respectfully. It’s okay to say no without feeling guilty.

Key Takeaways

  • Assertiveness equals confidence, and confidence is attractive.
  • Setting boundaries improves relationships.
  • Clear communication reduces misunderstandings.
  • Balance is crucial—be firm but respectful.
  • Small steps lead to big gains—start practicing now.

Bottom Line

Embrace assertiveness, and you’ll not only become more attractive but also lead a more authentic, fulfilling life. Don’t just exist—take charge.

Resources

  • 📕 “The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem” by Nathaniel Branden – Build unshakable confidence.
  • 📕 “Boundaries” by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend – Learn to set healthy limits.
  • 📕 “Crucial Conversations” by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, et al. – Master the art of effective communication.
  • 📕 “No More Mr. Nice Guy” by Dr. Robert Glover – Break free from passive behaviors.
  • 📕 “Daring Greatly” by Brené Brown – Embrace vulnerability and live wholeheartedly.